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Before We Get Started……

January 23, 2012

Great. Another self-important asshole with an opinion. Or more specifically, a self-important asshole with A LOT of opinions. Just what the world needs. I suppose,though, that there is room for one more, because if there wasn’t, you probably wouldn’t be here reading this. So without any further self-deprecating introduction, let me lay down some facts about me so you’ll know what to expect from this blog, should you decide to visit regularly…

1. I am not here to be nice, or life-affirming. I’m here to express honest opinions, which makes me feel better. So it’s not really about you, and certainly not gonna be about how you feel. Wanna feel better about yourself? Go buy some fucking yoga pants and practice your breathing. This is not the place for you…

2. I am a fan of, and a participant in, gallows humor. What does that mean? It means I see nothing wrong with picking on the obese, the handicapped, or the, uh, “developmentally challenged”. I find humor in the absurd. I find anger and obnoxious behavior amusing, especially if it includes an exorbitant amount of profanity. If that is not your particular brand of vodka, then feel free to head on back to YouTube to find cute videos of kitties and babies in adorable sleeping poses…

3. I have no tolerance for bullshit. None. Zero. I take great pleasure in calling people out, publically if possible, when I feel they are being disingenuous. So if you would like to participate in any discussion here, you are more than welcome, just be honest. Oh, and informed. There is absolutely nothing worse than an uninformed opinion…

4. I am going to be expressing myself here on a variety of topics. Sports, current events, music, pop culture, you name it. Oh and celebrities. I LOVE ragging on celebrities, so you can expect a lot of that. Again, feel free to join in at any time. All are welcome…

5. You are going to absolutely HATE how right I always am. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. And just remember that it could be worse: You could be married to me…

6. I have two small children. So expect there to be a lot about that. But don’t worry, I don’t do flowery “my kids are the bestest things in the world” posts. I leave that to the overly defensive Facebook moms….

7. Disagreement is not only acceptable, it’s kinda the whole point. So check out a post, sign in, and tell me how wrong I am (I’m not). And feel free to call me names. I can handle it. And no matter how mean you think you are being, remember this: I have been called worse by people who love me, so have at it…

8. I have very little faith in you. Not you personally, but the collective “you”. As a member of twenty-first century America, I think your music sucks, your movies suck, your parenting REALLY sucks, and your phony self-righteous attitude sucks. And I am going to tell you about it. Often…

9. There will be a category on the top of the page specifically for Miami Dolphins posts. They will originate on “ThePhinsider.com”, and I will copy them here. They tend to be whiskey fueled anger-driven rants aimed at a football franchise that has done nothing but disappoint me my whole life. I am like an abused wife however, so the harder they knock me down, the more passionately I fall in love with them. It’s my cross to bear…

10. If you find this an interesting place to be, let other people know. The conversation is always more interesting when the number of participants reaches a maximum…

That’s probably a good place to start. After all, I don’t want to scare you off too soon. This is only our first date. Of course, I don’t even know if I set this page up correctly, so I may just be talking to myself. Though it’s cheaper than therapy, so yannow….

8 Comments
  1. Joey Pinochle permalink

    In today’s day and age the interweb has become a dark dirty street in the bricks of the worlds worst neighborhood.  Once a bright cityscape filled with massive amounts of neatly organized information, now a slimy wasteland inevitably destroyed by our own human contemporaries.
    The innocence of the “Chat Room” has since been slayed by “Social Networks” and  “how to” guides for getting high on your own fecal matter.  Gross, I know, but that is the point!  Everything evolves, however,  in this case it’s been accelerated by human heads.  With the plethora of information available and the players involved, the truth has indeed become stranger than fiction!  The trade off for this “FREE”  information/entertainment is the societal loss of community and the degradation of  human consequence.  I apologize for the darkness of the picture I am painting, but cynicism is the only blip on my EKG.  I digress…  
     Now,  amidst the billions of  filthy homepages and evil social networking websites arises a new 21st century digital vigilante.  An underdog blogger safe behind the Interweb’s cloak of anonymity  Free to rant and free to rave!  Free to use his powers of prose to help shine some comedic light on our dim existence!  
    With his trusty keyboard he types, injecting some honest unfiltered opinion into the cesspool of the interweb!  Like Archie Bunker reincarnate, The Arrogant SOB is here to provide some unedited comedic commentary.

    “Write hard, write fast, show no mercy!!!

  2. I can’t think of a better way to get the comments section a-rockin and a-rollin. That comment should have had a soundtrack playing behind it….

  3. Dan permalink

    Although I intend to follow this, and will sometimes even comment on your opinions, rants, and other profound statements, I will start with only 1 comment. “You have too much time on your hands!”

    • thank you, i love my canes, but im sorry to say the pro teams are to much beef for the college teams not even on the phins worst day could my canes beat the finns, be nice thuogh as a make up game..

  4. Jaime permalink

    I just have to know, how does someone who lives in Jersey become a Dolphins fan? I think you should be tagged and studied..

    • I’m not completely certain. I remember when I was very little, maybe four or five, my grandmother, who couldn’t have picked a football out of a police lineup, bought me a Miami Dolphins sweatshirt. That is probably why. And I think I should be studied for continuing to passionately follow a team that is never any good. Ever…

  5. Devan permalink

    You remind me of Ron White, do you listen to any of his stuff?
    Oh, and yes, the Dolphins do suck, at least you are not in denial.

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