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Ten Reasons To Hate America…

February 17, 2012

1.  Republicans- The Oklahoma state senate passed something called the “Personhood Act” today.  Of the many things this act accomplishes, the most horrifying is the across-the-board outlawing of abortion, even in instances of rape and incest.  Also, it severely restricts access to any form of contraception.  What fucking year is this?  This is also a not-so-subtle reminder that a vast majority of this country is still occupied by white men who feel it is their place to legislate personal choice.  The overwhelmingly Republican senate approved this measure by a landslide vote of 38-9.  What that means to me is that I can immediately point out 38 instances in Oklahoma where abortion not only should have been the logical choice, but the ethically mandated one.

But let’s not pretend that the reach of Christian Conservative Republican tyranny has not infiltrated the northeast.  Today, the walking muffin loaf that New Jersey calls a Governor decided to veto the New Jersey Same Sex marriage bill.  Apparently, he wants to put it to a public vote.  Of course, if left to a public vote, I would be spending my weekends at the local market bidding on the finest  negro to mow my lawn and wash my car, because slavery would still be the law of the land.  Of course, pesky things like the Civil Rights Act and womans suffrage would exist only in the minds of the most daring of imaginations.  Maybe the horrificly obese Garden State Governor should put down the cannoli, and spend a little less time worrying about what OTHER men put in their mouths.

It is always amazing to me how Conservative Republicans want to reduce the size of government so that it is just big enough to fit in our bedrooms…

2.  Liberals-  Can’t we now admit that the Occupy Wall Street movement is an embarrassment?  I would love to support it, if anyone down there could intelligently relay to me what they are specifically “occupying” for.  My generation sucks.  Where is my Woodstock?  Where is my “Summer of Love”?  I’ll tell you where:  It’s stuck in a line somewhere behind a thousand screaming imbeciles trying out for American Idol.  Our parents stood up and marched on Washington.  They stood in the rain in a field in upstate New York for three days and forced the establishment to listen to Grace Slick babble on about god knows what.   When they felt their voices were not being heard on social and economic issues, they decided to stop “sitting” and start really fighting.  My generation has done nothing more than establish a new campground in downtown Manhattan.  Great, Wall Street is really trembling at its core now…

3.  Keeping Up With The Kardashians.  Kan’t we permanently enKapsulate these Kunts in Koncrete?

4.  Political Correctness-  Ever notice how it’s more often than not white men that are deciding when minorities should be offended by language?  As if black guys need us to tell them when to be angry.  Could it be anymore condescending?  “Hey, little chinese guy, that guy over there made an insensitive remark about the dry cleaning industry.  You should be very, VERY angry.”  Political correctness is nothing more than “manufactured anger”.  It’s people who are so unsatisfied with the meaning their lives hold that they are looking for any reason to stand up and fake injury at the hands of another.  Even if it is not their particular religion, gender, ethnicity that is being disparaged.  A perfect example of this would be the two morning radio guys in LA who have been suspended because they had the audacity to call Whitney Houston an embarrassment and a crackhead.  Um, pardon the fuck out of me (and them), but didn’t the woman spend at least the last twenty years abusing all kinds of drugs, including cocaine and crack?  Yeah, so these guys were telling the truth.  But it isn’t a nice truth, so guilty white people all over are screaming for their jobs to be taken away.  Freedom of speech doesn’t end at language and speech YOU find acceptable.  Bottom line?  As long as I am not assassinating someones character without evidence or cause, and I am not yelling bomb on an airplane (Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bombardier), then I can say whatever the fuck I want, and if you don’t like it, too goddamn bad…

 5. Celebrity Obsession  Not to keep picking on the Rex Ryan of politics, but the governor of New Jersey ordered the state flags to be flown at half-mast in memory of Whitney Houston.  So for those of you keeping score, we are going to pay tribute to a washed up pop-singer with a history of narcotic abuse and anti-social behavior, but not any of the countless men and woman who have paid the ultimate price defending our country over the last ten+ years.  Yeah, our priorities are in great shape.  Someone should knock off Snooki.  We would probably get a week or two off work….

6.   Our Pop Stars-  Spears, Gaga, Minaj, Perry, Beyonce.  This is the best we can come up with?  Not exactly John, Paul, George and Ringo, huh?  Oh, and regarding Ke$ha:  I gave up long ago on expecting our entertainers to be talented, but now they don’t even have to be remotely attractive?

7.  Our President-  Wow, so the whole 2008 presidential campaign was bullshit.  How surprising.  Hey Barrack, remember universal health care?  Remember standing up to lobbyists?  How bout putting an end to deregulation that allowed the 1% to benefit from the systematic emasculation of the 99%?  Yeah, you took your oath and then shriveled to the Republicans like a chilled penis.  Thanks for the “change”.  You are a fraudulent progressive and the only reason you will be re-elected is that Mitt Romney is an even more fraudulent conservative…

8.  The Drug War-  A couple of days ago, a story broke regarding the placement of young, good-looking female, undercover narcs in Florida high schools, with the sole mission of entrapping teenage boys to buy pot for them.  Now, I was a teenage boy once, and a pretty logical one.  However, I would have spent an entire day jabbing myself in the genitals with an electric cattle prod if a good solid 6 asked me to.  So maybe we shouldn’t ruin a teenagers life because he was looking for his first clumsy handjob, huh?

9.  Real-Estate Agents-  Actually worse than lawyers.  At least lawyers are somewhat educated, and not a workforce made up almost entirely of bored housewives…

10.  Network Television-  Is it any wonder that we are all watching cable shows now?  I mean, when was the last time you saw a really funny sitcom?  Or an hour-long drama that WASN’T a show about cops, doctors, or lawyers?  It is all recycled garbage.  Give me Dexter anyday…

So you may be wondering why, at the end of a list like this, I still actually love this country.  Four simple words:  Free…Unlimited…Internet…Pornography.

God Bless America…

  1. mark permalink

    Modern family

    • Meh, Modern Family is watchable, and even tolerable. It’s the best of a bad lot, but thats not saying a whole lot…

  2. First of all you spelled Barack wrong, racist. Second of all I’m pretty sure the flag is routinely lowered for NJ’s service men and women who die in combat.

    • Well, how does anyone really know how to spell his first name without a long-form birth certificate? (Thats a joke). Secondly, I am reading varied reports regarding when flags are flown half-mast for combat vets. Some say they always are, but many are saying they are only done so in certain circumstances. EIther way, it is not routinely done for Jersey cops and fireman who die in the line so I stand by my original sentiment…

        And tuesday flags are being lowered for the kid from North Arlington. don’t cling to the sentiment. it has lost steam. no one gave a shit when he lowered them for clarence clemmons. i honestly could not care less about the flag being flown low for anybody, nor about the absence of such an “honor”

      • Well, it’s not like I am carrying a whole lot of steam for it. I’m not storming the capitol. And I’m pretty ambiguous towards the honor as you are. But it seems to hold some weight for vets and civil servants, so that counts a bit more than what you and I think of it. I dont know a whole lot about Clarence CLemens, but my guess is that he led a much more admirable life than Whitney Houston did, so people were OK with the honor being bestowed upon him. A friend of the family is a Mahwah cop, and he was pretty worked up over it, so I thought it was worth mentioning…

  3. ChrsLxndr permalink

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