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The Biggest Hypocrite in the World…(Dolphins related)

March 11, 2012

There is a very rational reason that I never, ever go to auction websites, like Ebay: I am a guy. And being a guy, I have a surplus of testosterone (And ear-hair). Testosterone being the driving force behind the unhealthy competitive nature that most of us with external genitalia seem to possess. Over the course of human history, testosterone has caused wars, strife, financial ruin and, worst of all, those awful female body builders that are so painful to look at. Anyway, competitive spirit has, on more than one occasion, forced me to overpay for worthless items, simply to “win” an auction. It is with this in mind that I make the following statement:

Despite my post last month comparing Peyton Manning to an old used, high-mileage luxury car, I now want him. Badly.

(Not calling Peyton “worthless”, just turning a phrase, btw.)

Not because of some new medical information, or a change of philosophy, but simply because my male ego can’t handle this franchise losing ANOTHER player/coach auction. So I am all-in. Let’s do what it takes to get him here. Having said that, I have a few thoughts on the events of the last 72 hours or so.

– Everyone relax. “Insiders” are no longer news reporters. They are now tools used by players and teams to plant information, and more importantly misinformation, to advance their own position at any given bargaining table. Of course Manning was going to “love” Denver, and Arizona, and Houston. And make no mistake, he is going to rave on and on about Miami when he gets here today or tomorrow. Why? Because competition creates bidding wars. You don’t think Steven Ross is shitting his pants with every report he reads about how “impressed” Peyton is with Denver? Of course he is. That is exactly what those reports are designed to do. Simply because every time Ross, or Elway, or Pioli in KC read a report like that, the price they are willing to pay, and more importantly guarantee, goes up.

– I was in the market for a new car a few years ago. I had a good idea of the one I was going to buy, but in order to be diligent, I test drove two others first, and scheduled the test drive for the early favorite last, assuming that when that test drive was over, I would immediately begin the negotiation process and subsequent purchase. It was a logical way to approach it. Could it be that Manning had Miami as a favorite on Thursday, and simply wanted to do his due diligence with other teams first, just to see what else was out there, and scheduled Miami last because the odds were that they were his preference? I don’t know, but that’s the theory I am sticking to, to make myself feel better.

– I could obviously be wrong, but I have a hard time seeing Peyton really being interested in Denver. Is he really going to want any part of the Tim Tebow circus? Denver is the one franchise, that doesn’t already have a franchise QB, whose fanbase would not be solidly behind his signing. Then, if Manning does sign there, he will either be the guy that ran their beloved messiah out-of-town, or relegated him to the bench. And if he is sitting on the bench, do you think Manning is going to want to hear idiot fans calling for Tebow with every incompletion? Sorry, don’t buy it. Also, Omar Kelly can continue to gush about all of the cap space the Broncos have, but they don’t have the playmakers Miami has on the roster NOW. So if I am Manning, do I go to the team with the offensive weapons on the roster, or the team that is promising to go get them in the unpredictable world of free agency?

– Arizona is over the cap right now. Even if they remove the franchise tag from Calais Campbell and sign him long-term, they are only gonna be a few million under. So where are they getting the money to sign Manning, never mind put players around him?

– “In Case of Emergency Break Glass” option: When did Matt Flynn become such a dirty word?

Now having said all that, I have no idea where Manning ends up. To me, it’s a crapshoot. But you guys shouldn’t be ruining your weekends by tossing and turning with every contrasting report. Let it play out. Let’s get to Tuesday afternoon and see where we, and he, are when free agency starts. Take a couple of breaths…

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s been almost six minutes since I checked Twitter and SI.com. (Yes, between the 180 on Manning, and the ruining of my own weekend, I am “the biggest hypocrite in the world”.

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