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Chaos in Theory Volume 7 (St. Patricks Day Special)

March 17, 2012

OK.  The title is misleading.  There is absolutely nothing special about this post, other than the fact that it was written on St. Patrick’s Day.  So…Sorry to disappoint.

–  There was a small story earlier in the week that WordPress.com, the very site that hosts this here blog, was infected with a virus that was spread through almost thirty thousand blogs, infecting any readers of those blogs.  Not to worry.  The virus was stopped dead in its tracks the minute it infiltrated this blog, since nobody really comes here to read it anyway.  So this page became a quarantine chamber of sorts. The blog in the plastic bubble.  Glad I could be of service…

–  Yesterday, I saw a guy in the city, who very obviously wasn’t Irish (Cough, cough, black, cough), wearing one of those buttons that reads “Kiss me.  I’m Irish”.  Now, as an Irishman, that doesn’t offend me, but I think we should carry this tradition of pretending to be of a certain ethnicity to all holidays.  So next February, I am going to be celebrating Martin Luther King Day in a whole new way.  Anyone know where I can get a button that reads “Arrest me.  I’m black”?  Or maybe I’ll feel more in the holiday spirit during Passover if I wear my “Try not to run me over when I am walking in the middle of the street on a Saturday morning.  I’m Jewish” t-shirt.  How about “Don’t ask me what kind of beef is in the “Beef” & Broccoli.  I’m Chinese”  during Chinese New Year?  I got a million of these…

–  Last week, I wrote a little bit about the “Kony 2012” hysteria and the organization, “Invisible Children”, that produced the viral video.  Well, apparently they aren’t all that invisible.  The co-founder, Jason Russel, was detained by police yesterday after numerous phone complaints that he was running naked through traffic intoxicated.  Oh, he was also masturbating.  In the middle of traffic in the middle of the day.  Drunk naked public masturbating.  Maybe if we produce a video about this and it goes viral, we can get “Public drunk masturbating” into the 2012 Summer Olympics in London.  The networks would probably get better ratings for the Olympics than they have in thirty years.  Also, it would make for a great picture on the Wheaties box, no?

–  Also, I would say that I hate to say I told you so, but the simple truth is that I absolutely LOVE to say I told you so, so here goes:  In that same “Kony 2012” rant from last week, I told you to be careful of sending money to the “Invisible Children” organization, as there is some mystery as to where your money actually goes.  Well, an interesting story hit the wire yesterday (link here).  If you don’t feel like hitting the link (You lazy ass), I’ll give you the basics.  About twenty percent of all money donated ever reaches Africa.  20%.  The highest rated charities on the world ensure that 90-99% of all donated funds go to the specific causes they are dedicated to.  “Invisible Children”, which supposedly supports military efforts in Uganda to arrest Joseph Kony, spends 20% of all donations on the continent of Africa.  So basically, the two diamond rings I have ever purchased for my wife put more money into Africa than these fucking frauds do.  Well I guess it depends.  Cubic Zirconia is mined in Africa, right?

–  I once read a quick blurb somewhere about a study that was done, and I think it tells more about humans than just about anything else.  After surveying a thousand random people, the study found that 80% of people feel they are smarter than the average person.  I find that insulting as someone who actually IS much smarter than the average person…

–  Isn’t it a little bit like cannibalism that Irish cops will be handing out DUI’s and drunk & disorderly tickets left and right today?  Maybe not cannibalistic, but at the very least hypocritical…

OK, enough from me today.  Everyone keep one thing in mind at your St. Patrick’s day celebrations:  The chemical they use to turn beer green is actually a mixture of human phlegm and rat semen.  Cheers!!!

9 Comments
  1. Dan permalink

    Unfortunately, you will be a little late since MLK Day is in January!

    • No. It’s all part of my master plan to move it to February, so as to put it in the same month as Black History Month. Just seems to make more sense to me.

  2. Alan permalink

    so now we (both of us) the faithful readers of your blog are nobody? Well maybe you are right.

  3. Found you through PIWTPITT, and adding you to the reading list!

  4. Just found your blog and think it’s great. Are you sure you’re not Canadian? You’re sure funny enough to be one.
    Looking forward to more reading.

    • Not Canadian. However, did play hockey as a kid and spent many winter weekends up there during my childhood, so maybe I caught something….Thanks for reading…

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