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He Writes The Songs That Make The Whole World Sing…

May 3, 2012

Or so he says, anyway. So here we are 24 hours later and I am pleased to say that not only did I survive the Barry Manilow concert but also the enthusiastic audience, which was made up primarily of throngs of screaming cougars who’ve been knock-knock-knockin on menopauses’ door. I was going to post some thoughts on the show today, but then I figured I could give you a more accurate depiction of the evening by relaying my thoughts exactly as they happened throughout the show. So below are the nuggets I posted on Twitter as the night went along, verbatim. I am providing you with a more accurate, enriching description. (Really, in case you haven’t figured this out yet, I am just too lazy to come up with new stuff and most of you don’t follow me on Twitter anyway, so fuck it) So here it is, Barry Manilow Live at Radio City, 140 characters at a time…

– 7:45 PM Whenever I am in a crowded place, I am reminded of one fact: the rate of obesity in this country is staggering. Simply staggering…

– 8:05 PM Not nearly as many homosexuals here as I would have hoped. Wait…Hoped? GUESSED! I meant GUESSED!!!

– 8:12 PM I love NYC. Waiting to cross the street, the guy next 2 me was wearing a hand-made suit and a Rolex. The guy next to him was a homeless guy shitting into an old ski cap…

– 8:17 PM Lady sitting in front of me: ” I hope you don’t mind if I’m loud.” Me: ” Not as long as you don’t mind if I’m disinterested.”

– 8:20 PM There R two straight guys in their mid-thirties here together, by themselves, talking sports and anxiously awaiting a Barry Manilow show to begin. #Weird

– 8:22 PM 300 yards away from the stage. Nothing but the best for MY mom…

– 8:25 PM Hey fellas: anyone looking to meet boozed up chubby cougars needs to get to Radio City immediately. #WoodstockofCellulite

– 8:30 PM Show just started. First impression: if Barry Manilow were more masculine, he’d be just like Lady Gaga…

– 8:37 PM I wonder if Barry Manilow will have a few words about Junior Seau. #Who?

– 8:43 PM Serious point: Guys been performing for over Forty years and still has the decency to NOT lip-Sync. Take notes Beyonce, you asshole…

– 8:55 PM This guy can still get some panties wet. These woman are going crazy…Of course, I have a better chance of getting into his pants than they do. #Fingerscrossed

– 9:12 PM OK, wow. There is a guy two rows in front of me smoking a joint. At a Barry Manilow concert. #IShitUNot

– 9:25 PM Son of a bitch. He just sang a ballad to his parents and it made me think of my kids and choked me up a little. Damn you, Manilow!!!

– 9:32 PM All of Radio City smells like your grandmothers bathroom after she takes a piss…

– 9:41 PM Hmmm. Turns out I know all the words to “Mandy”. I think I just got my period…

– 9:57 PM Annnnddddd….Curtain….

So there you have it. A concert review SOB style. I’m sure Rolling Stone will be calling any day now. Oh, and one of those obnoxious, gushing middle-aged housewives? My dear sweet mom, so happy Mothers Day mom. Next year, we’ll find Neil Diamond…

10 Comments
  1. Heather permalink

    Awesome! As for 9:12, that person was totally prepared for the shit he was going to have to endure.

  2. OMG! This is your best one IMHO. I’m dying over here. 8:12 killed me! I saw Manilow when I was a kid. Twice. With my mother and grandmother. Nuff said. You’re an official Fanilow now. Off to the Copa with you.

  3. Siobhan permalink

    Nicely done. I hope you treat your wife to as wonderful a mothers day present as you did your own mother.

    • She”ll get taken care of, but I refuse to take her to see John Mayer. I gotta draw the line somewhere…

      • sherman permalink

        So, Barry Manilow over John Mayer??? Really???

  4. Leigh permalink

    Wicked. Freakin’. Funny. You’re hysterical. Hope your mom enjoyed it more than you did 🙂

  5. sherman permalink

    Sorry, hit reply too soon. You are too damn funny.

  6. Hey Mon! permalink

    Awesome review! I laughed and my kids came running to see what I was laughing at and I had to hide the screen from them. The “Mandy” comment might have been the best.

    (Oh, and you might be an arrogant SOB, but there is a soft heart in there if you’re willing to take your mama to a Barry Manilow concert.)

  7. Lucky for me my Aunts fav artist is Mr Manilow but she is still ‘incarcerated’. I probably would have endured what you did, but had to be WAY more “liquered up” assuming you were not. Still your up for some sort of BLOGGER award…You have reached Skip Bayless status, at least I dont want to punch you in your face!! By the way, Love you, the wife and those KIDS!!

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