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Chaos In Theory Volume 14…

July 5, 2012

I feel it is my civic duty to post something, so as to divert your attention from our ongoing national nightmare:  The Tom and Katie divorce.  I will, however, devote tonight’s musical selection to these two retards…

I don’t usually recommend country, but this seemed way too appropriate to pass up, given the situation.

Anyway…

–  You know, people really need to be more specific when they invite my wife and I out to dinner.  A few days ago, friends of ours invited us out to a new “BYO Mexican” restaurant.  Now we had never heard of this kind of place before, but what the hell?  We’re adventurous enough to try anything once.  Well, it certainly made for an awkward evening when they showed up with a nice bottle of Cabernet, and we showed up with our gardener.   We assumed “BYO Mexican” just meant you were expected to bus your own table.  So there we were light on booze, but heavy one short, stocky, father of twelve.  Communication for the evening was helped by the fact that my wife and I are try-lingual.  Meaning he would sit there babbling in…uh…Mexican, and we spent the whole night “Trying” to figure out what the hell he was talking about…

–  Last night at San Diego’s fireworks show, a computer glitch caused every firework planned for the twenty-minute extravaganza to fire off simultaneously in a matter of fifteen seconds.  When I relayed this story to my wife, detailing the disappointment the crowd experienced when an event that was supposed to last for at least twenty minutes was over in fifteen seconds, she simply said “I know how they feel”.   I wonder what she meant by that….

–  Recently, a Chuck E. Cheese opened for business in our neighborhood.  Having taken the kids there a few times now, I have figured out two things:

1.  Chuck E. Cheese is apparently a popular place for divorced every-other-weekend Dads to “throw money at the problem”.

2.  Judging by the clientele, Senor Cheese is the only area establishment that allows you to pay for your kid’s birthday party in food stamps.

 

–  Getting back to Tom and Katie:  It’s amusing to me how so many people mock Scientology.  You know what the difference is between Scientology and Christianity?  One is a completely made up religion that centers around a man who was never able to prove his divinity, which is based on a book filled with wild tales that are part science-fiction and part mythology. and uses fear to drain its followers of money and the power of free thought.  The other is Scientology…

Don’t get me wrong, I think Scientology is a complete fucking joke.  I just don’t get how devout Christians have the audacity to call it a phony religion.  What is it exactly that makes yours so much more valid?  And incidentally, I can’t remember the last time I heard about a fundamental Scientologist murdering a doctor for performing a legal abortion, or protesting gay rights at the funeral of an active military member.  In fact, Tom Cruise and John Travolta?  Seems to me like Scientology is fine with the whole gay thing…

–  Oh wait.  She was taking a shot at me with the whole firework thing, wasn’t she?

5 Comments
  1. I hereby deduct cool points from your wife for the too-easy joke, and award them to you for having the cojones to posting it for our amusement. Well played, sir.

  2. Mary permalink

    I have had the exact argument with a handful of friends but substitute Mormons for Scientologists. Yeah, they believe an angel appeared with special glasses and a manuscript, neither of which can be found. Christians on the other hand, believe a guy hiked to the top of a mountain and was given stone tablets with the ten commandments which cannot be found. Protective undergarments? Scapulars and saints medals. I could go on and on….

    Its called ‘faith’. I’m not criticizing. I’m the most religiously tolerant person you will ever meet. You do your thing, I’ll do mine. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, go for it. But I won’t try to convince you that mine is any more “right” than yours and I expect you to afford me the same courtesy.

  3. jillgeorge permalink

    Brilliant….seriously!

  4. Hey Mon! permalink

    Agree with jillgeorge! Love this post. Catching up.

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