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Tangled Webs…(Dolphins Related)

August 14, 2012

(Sorry I have been MIA for a few weeks, but I have been away on vacation and taking a break from everything, blog included.  I’m back now and have something planned for tomorrow.  For tonight however, I am getting back in the swing with some football stuff.  So enjoy.  If you don’t follow for football.  See you tomorrow.)

Being that we are just a few short weeks away from the real “Opening Day” (Fuck you, baseball), I figure it’s time to shake off some rust of my own and get back to doing what I love: Misspelling the last names of Dolphin players and coaches. Of course, now that Lieutenant Fistpump is designing plays for touchdown Jesus, I can stop flipping a coin to determine whether its “Sporano” or “Sparano”. So to ring in the new year, just some random pre-season thoughts to get the engine warmed up:

– Lets start off by addressing the 800 lb gorilla in the room (No, not John Jerry.). Joe Filbin (Just kidding, I know how to spell it.) and the Dolphins did EXACTLY the right thing by cutting Chad Johnson on Sunday. Now, I’m not saying he is guilty. I have no idea, and neither do you. However, this team is supposedly trying to change it’s clown car shit-show image, so this was a no-brainer. The elite organizations do not suffer unnecessary drama.Plaxico Burress was never allowed to put on a Giants uniform again after his situation, and he was coming off a season in which he helped the team to win a Super Bowl. The Dolphins have no history with Chad Johnson. They brought him in under the understanding that they wouldn’t tolerate bullshit, and this was the second time in as many weeks the new head coach had to deal with him poorly representing the franchise. We are not the Jets. We are not the Detroit Lions. We are not the Cincinnati Bengals. I was proud to be a fan of the Miami Dolphins on Sunday…

– One more question though: Would they have cut him so quickly if, instead of killing the opening drive Friday with a third-down drop, he caught 6 balls for 60 yards and a TD? Hmmm. I don’t know…

– I am not at all ready to anoint Ryan Tannehill as the answer, but I really like what I see. Well, to be honest, what I am reading, mostly. It sounds like he came to camp ready to compete and, before is all said and done, win the starting job week one at Houston. I’m not saying he’s been perfect, but here’s what impressed me the most so far. According to just about everyone with two working eyes and a Twitter account, Tannehill had a pretty bad practice on Monday morning. Yet, today I am reading he had his best practice so far. I love that he picked himself up off the floor and came back fighting. That shows maturity. That shows confidence. That shows swagger. We have not had a rookie QB show those qualities in quite some time. Sure as shit beats looking robotic.

– I was dead set against the team doing Hard Knocks when it was announced a few months back. I desperately want this team to start conducting themselves like the Giants and Patriots do. Two teams that would never, EVER do Hard Knocks. However, I was wrong. I LOVE THAT GODDAMN SHOW. I was so enthralled with the premier last week that I immediately watched again immediately after the episode ended. Admittedly, Laura Tannehill and Les Browns girl, who I think is hotter, may have had something to do with that…

– Love you, Karlos Dansby, but leaders don’t whine to the media. They handle things internally. I have no problem with him expressing his disapproval with the decision to the new coaching staff or the GM, but you don’t run to the media. That’s what Jets players do. You are a fucking Dolphin. Act like it…

– Oh, and as far as the Dansby situation goes: I like Omar Kelly more than most of you seem to, but his defending of the linebacker badmouthing the teams decision to outsiders by saying “He isn’t a slave” on Twitter is an absolutely ridiculous analogy, and almost comes off as race-baiting. I am a working class white guy, and if I went outside my company to bad mouth my superiors and their management decisions publicly, I would be thrown out on my ass. That doesn’t make me a slave. It makes me just like the rest of the working schmucks in this country. Absolutely irresponsible for Omar to draw that comparison…

– From now on, I will be referring to Davone Bess as “The Forgotten”. (Not really. But I will do it in this paragraph.) I keep reading how we have the worst WR corps in the NFL, with not a single weapon. Now, let’s ignore the fact that the Jets have a malcontent attitude problem lining up as their number 1 receiver, and then a list of random names that no one has ever heard of. How about Bess get a little love? He is arguably the best slot receiver in the game, and the media doesnt even acknowledge he plays here. That’s fine. Write this down: This year, in this system, Davone Bess is going to have a MONSTER year. (Assuming he stays healthy of course.)

– I would like to submit an idea as to the title of Chad Johnson’s first porno flick: Chad Johnson stars in…”Ocho-incho”. Hell, I’d watch…

Wow, only nine hundred words and my fingers are starting to cramp. That’s what I get for reporting to camp out of shape. Almost time to get rolling for real around here. Game on…

One Comment
  1. JUST FUCKING BRILLAINT!!

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